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The Mailbox Inside My Chest PART 8 — Dear God During the Years I Felt Forgotten & Abandoned


Dear God, 



This is probably the letter I avoided the longest. 

Not because I had nothing to say. 

But because I had too much. 

For years, people told me to trust You. 

Pray. 

Have faith. 

Hold on. 

Believe. 

And I tried. 

I really did. 

But somewhere along the way, life became heavier than I knew how to carry. 

The losses kept coming. 

The disappointments kept coming. 

The grief kept coming. 

And eventually I found myself asking questions I was afraid to say out loud. 

Where were You? 

Did You see this? 

Did You hear me? 

Did You know how much I was hurting? 

Because from where I stood, it felt like silence. 

The kind of silence that makes a person wonder if they're speaking to anyone at all. 

I watched prayers go unanswered. 

I watched people leave. 

I watched people die. 

I watched pieces of myself break. 

And if I'm honest, there were days when I wasn't angry at life. 

I was angry at You. 

Not because I stopped believing. 

But because I couldn't understand. 

I couldn't understand how a God who loved me could feel so distant. 

How a God who knew my heart could seem so quiet. 

How a God who promised not to leave could feel impossible to find. 

And maybe that's what nobody talks about enough. 

Sometimes faith isn't losing belief. 

Sometimes faith is wrestling with belief. 

Sometimes faith looks less like certainty and more like questions. 

Questions asked through tears. 

Questions asked through disappointment. 

Questions asked through exhaustion. 

I don't have all the answers now. 

Truthfully, I still carry some of the questions. 

But what I know is this: 

Even during the years I felt abandoned... 

I never completely stopped talking to You. 

Sometimes the conversations were prayers. 

Sometimes they were arguments. 

Sometimes they were accusations. 

Sometimes they were silence. 

But somehow, the conversation never fully ended. 

Maybe that's faith too. 

Not certainty. 

Not perfection. 

Just refusing to completely walk away. 

So this letter isn't about having everything figured out. 

It's about acknowledging the distance I felt. 

The anger I felt. 

The disappointment I felt. 

And the small, stubborn part of me that kept reaching anyway. 

 

Sincerely, 

The Child Who Still Looked Toward Heaven 

 

These were never just letters. They were surviving out loud. 

Part 9 - Dear Myself For Surviving - Coming 7/21

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